I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my liver is dry heaving
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.