It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!