What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.