I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.