Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.