I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
