apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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