Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize