i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
