giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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