Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This house was built for laser tag.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
