Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
