Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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