her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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