I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
