I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
