I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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