I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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