his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
