I smell stomach acid.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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