Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
