11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
