i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
