This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
