i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
