6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
