he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize