I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
