I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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