Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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