HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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