I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
