the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
