good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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