Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize