Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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