youre lurking in front of me
My liver just broke up with me...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
