I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
