you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
