DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize