i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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