my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
