I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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