I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
