Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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