Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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