i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
