Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
