she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
