I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
