im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
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Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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