Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
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No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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