Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I did not marry a roomba.
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