The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
