The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
