Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"