My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
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On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba