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I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
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