You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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