Your dad touched me again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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