Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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