i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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