whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
