I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
