Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
