Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
